Prologue

Before the first page, Maggie Smith opens with a quote from Emily Dickinson: “I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.” In the prologue, she explains that the book is her attempt to do what Dickinson describes—to pursue discovery. She acknowledges that she can only provide her history through her personal lens. The book will detail her stumble through darkness and the beauty she found during a difficult period in her life.

Pinecone

Smith’s husband returns from a business trip with a pinecone for their five-year-old son. His business trips have become more frequent. Smith describes the house she lives in with her husband and son. It has so many windows it makes her feel as though her life is on display. When her husband goes to bed, she reaches into his bag and pulls out his papers. She is ashamed of the act, but her suspicion takes hold. She finds a postcard written from her husband to a woman in which he references finding the pinecone together and a notebook in which her husband has written about the woman, their walk together, and her sleeping children upstairs.