The trauma that Carolyn Maull McKinstry experienced during the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church bombing became the most enduring and impactful experience of her life. For years, her life was defined by pain and bitterness, and she developed a substance use disorder that helped her to cope with her loss and trauma. However, even as McKinstry recovered, the bombing continued to define her life, shaping her “calling” to foster a more loving and forgiving world. The impact of the racial violence she experienced is inescapable for McKinstry, even as she heals from the trauma she experienced.

McKinstry describes the bombing as “the exact date, time, and place [she] grew up and became an adult” (36). It was a moment that marked the definitive loss of childhood innocence, revealing “the world as a deadly and hostile place” (36). The “strong fortress” of the church was shown to be penetrable, and this disrupted McKinstry’s sense of security and trust. For years, the impact of the bombing and other racial violence she experienced affected her life in tangible ways. She had trouble sleeping and developed “a preoccupation with death and dying” (162). She felt as if she were living under a “dark cloud” and eventually turned to alcohol to overcome her pain.