Eva is not originally sure if she wants to be a mother. The role of a mother is to nurture, protect, feed, encourage, and love a child. When Kevin is born, he refuses to nurse, contrasted with Celia, who Eva describes as grateful when she begins suckling. Kevin’s birth puts Eva in the position of having child she does not love, who resists and defies any attempts at bonding or nurturing, and who is openly hostile toward her.

From the beginning, Eva associates Kevin with failure: “In the very instant of his birth, I associated Kevin with my own limitations–with not only suffering, but defeat” (89). She is determined to deliver him without an epidural, but then changes her mind only after the pain of the birth becomes too great. By then, it is too late, and she must both bear the pain of childbirth and bear the memory of going back on her word not to use drugs for the delivery. Immediately after his birth, Kevin rejects her by refusing her breast milk, gagging as if she repulses him. Regardless of his reaction, she still feels a sense of duty and continues to try to nurse him, although she never succeeds.