Papa and Mama Turd are at the palace, where Papa Turd, becoming used to his wealth and power, wants a “great big cape,” but Mama Turd tells him, “It’s all very well to be king, but we have to economize” (29). Papa Turd admits that Mama Turd “was right all along” to think he should be king (29), but when Mama Turd mentions the debt they owe to Bordure, he says that he will not follow through with his promise to make Bordure the Duke of Lithuania: “Now that I don’t need [Bordure] any more, he can go scratch his ass” (29). 

Mama Turd warns that Papa Turd is making a “big mistake” and that Bordure will turn against him, adding that Papa Turd likely hasn’t seen the last of Buggerlaus. Papa Turd disagrees with Mama Turd’s assertion he should be generous to Buggerlaus, and warns that Mama Turd is annoying him and he will “cut [her] to bits” (30). Mama Turd runs off and Papa Turd announces his plan as king, which is to grab all of Poland’s money (the currency is here referred to as “phynance”), and then “kill everybody and leave” (30). 

Scene 2 takes place in the king’s palace, where Papa Turd and his supporters have gathered all the nobles, who are in chains, as well as financiers, magistrates, and heralds.