The Tiffany Box

Kathleen Buckstaff shares a poignant look at her life as a young mother and her role as a caretaker for her ailing mother in The Tiffany Box: A Memoir (2013). Using letters, emails, diary entries, and essays originally published during her time as a columnist for The Arizona Republic, Buckstaff details the joys and tribulations of family life. Raising Arizona Kids Magazine calls The Tiffany Box, “a moving tribute to motherhood.” The book was listed as both a USA Best Book Awards Finalist and an International Book Awards Finalist. Buckstaff also wrote and acted in The Tiffany Box: A Love Remembered, a one-woman play based on the materials she used in the book.

In an emotional opening e-mail to her good friend Lisel, Buckstaff describes her mother’s death. Buckstaff’s mother, Francie, passes away shortly after sunset on December 13, 2001, 38 years exactly from the day Buckstaff’s father proposed marriage. Buckstaff feels that her mother is happy and at peace. She takes all the messages and sympathy cards her mother received during her illness and places them in a large blue box from Tiffany and Co. which once held one of Buckstaff’s wedding presents. She keeps the box in the garage and avoids opening it. When her good friend, Ali, gives her copies of all the personal emails Buckstaff sent her over the years, it prompts Buckstaff to finally open the Tiffany box. She writes, “For years, I thought I would find death inside the Tiffany box. Instead, I found life.” The keepsakes and messages form the basis of Buckstaff’s memoir, spanning the years 1995-2002.

The Tiffany Box is divided into four major sections, each with a floral theme. The first segment, “Lavender Roses,” recounts Buckstaff’s relationship with her late Grandmother Forest and describes Buckstaff’s young family and friends.



In 1995, Buckstaff is struggling to be a writer and a full-time mother. She lives in Arizona with her husband Dan, who is in the yogurt and smoothie business; her three-year-old daughter, Sunshine; and her one-year-old son, Sweetness. For their privacy, Buckstaff changes her family’s names in the book. One of Buckstaff’s dearest friends is her former college roommate, Lisel, an artist living in New York City. Lisel and Buckstaff share their experiences of being new, young mothers, encouraging each other when they are lonely or emotional. Ali, another of Buckstaff’s friends is like a supportive big sister. Mark, a college friend of both Buckstaff and Dan, is like her little brother. Buckstaff relates memories of her Grandmother Forest, who loved roses and chocolates and refused to die before white peach season. Buckstaff is thrilled when the Los Angeles Times wants to publish some of her essays.

Buckstaff depicts the difficulties of motherhood. She misses her friends, has no time to herself, and often feels alone. She worries she is not getting enough adult interaction when she realizes she enjoys talking to the nurses and receptionists at the pediatrician’s office. She describes the ups and downs of pregnancy, from the discomfort of daily nausea and vomiting to strapping on foam bellies to try on maternity clothes.

“The Garden,” the second section in The Tiffany Box, focuses on Buckstaff’s children. She shares memories of Sunshine as she grows, from finger painting on the wall with toothpaste to choosing an old “tattered, stained sundress” to wear to school picture day. Buckstaff is conflicted about letting Sunshine wear the dress: She knows Sunshine feels pretty wearing it, but admits the dress brings out “ugly things” in herself, making her feel self-conscious, or negligent as a parent. Buckstaff allows Sunshine to wear the dress, eventually realizing that picture day is about her daughter’s spirit, not her own insecurities. Buckstaff describes the emotions she feels when she is left alone after Sweetness starts school, and details her pregnancy with her third child, Bongo.



In “Delphiniums,” Buckstaff recounts her mother’s battle with uterine cancer. Buckstaff and Dan have moved into her parents’ home while they renovate a house across the street. Living together as one large family helps Buckstaff support and care for Francie, the way Francie cared for her mother, Forest. Buckstaff writes, “The women in my family also teach that as a mother cares for a child, so a daughter will care for an aging parent.” She relies heavily on emotional support from her friends as Francie undergoes complications and multiple surgeries and many rounds of chemotherapy. The cancer returns, however, and the doctors focus on keeping Francie comfortable. Buckstaff feels that “each day is raw and real and memorable.” She recalls her mother, wearing a wig after losing all her hair to the chemo, dancing with the groom at her sister’s wedding. Together they plan Francie’s memorial party, and Francie asks for delphiniums, one of her favorite flowers.

Buckstaff writes Francie a letter a few months before her death expressing her love and assuring her mother that things like goodness and beauty that she learned from Francie will never be lost. What Buckstaff will miss are daily things such as talking with Francie and sharing stories about the kids, being with Francie at certain times of day, and enjoying the support and love Francie always provided. Francie continues to decline, and Buckstaff cares for her ceaselessly. Buckstaff brings Francie home, with hospice care, for the last few months of her life.

“White Cyclamen” shares notes of condolence from Francie’s many friends. Buckstaff concludes with an essay on her mother’s use of Post-it notes to remember critical family events and details. Buckstaff believes that “life is held together by Post-its and mothers.” In a last “Dear Reader” note, Buckstaff expresses her gratitude for all the love in her life: from both friends and family. She includes a photograph of Francie at the end of The Tiffany Box.