A fictionalized version of a young James Thurber is the protagonist and narrator of the story. If the age of the character James Thurber aligns with the age of Thurber as the author, the protagonist is 21 years old. Thurber displays a desire to take on the role of “the man of the house” in the absence of his father and one of his brothers, volunteering to go downstairs to phone the police and let them inside. Thurber’s mother prevents him, emphasizing that Thurber is still a young man. His attempts to take charge are humorously contrasted with Thurber spending the story wearing first only his bath towel and then his mother’s blouse. Thurber’s youth and ridiculous attire throughout the ordeal make the police regard him with suspicion. In positioning himself as the narrator, Thurber positions himself as the voice of reason, charging himself with the task of applying logic in the present to a past event where rationale is absurdly absent.

Herman is one of Thurber’s brothers, and Mrs. Thurber is the boys’ mother. These characters are driven by irrational fear and erratic behavior. Herman exhibits more external fear than his brother.