Content Warning: This section discusses racism, anti-gay bias, warfare, and genocide.

The Japanese Lover contains several romances, each of which serves to emphasize the value and strength of love. The primary romance is between Ichimei and Alma, which is mirrored in Seth and Irina, Megumi and Boyd, and Nathaniel and Lenny. Each of these romances possesses a common element of “forbidden” or socially unacceptable love, which the couples need to overcome to be together. While Ichi and Alma avoid the social pressures against interracial coupling by dating in secret for most of their lives, Megumi and Boyd get married openly after Megumi completes her education. Nathaniel and Lenny, like Ichi and Alma, keep their love a secret until Nathaniel’s death, adding another layer to Allende’s overarching message of loving regardless of social pressures. The novel emphasizes the difficulties placed on those whose relationships defy social norms. Irina and Seth are the vessels into which Alma pours her wisdom regarding love, and her final act of leaving Ichi’s letters to Irina constitutes the healing Irina needs to overcome her own trauma.

Nathaniel presents Alma with the reasons why she cannot marry Ichimei: “Because he’s from another race, another social class, another culture, another religion, another economic level” (136).