Offred says she “wish[es] this story were different” and that it “showed me in a better light, if not happier then at least more active, less hesitant, less distracted by trivia” (279). She notes that by “telling you anything at all I’m at least believing in you […] I believe you into existence” (279).

Offred reveals that she “[goes] back to Nick. Time after time, on my own, without Serena knowing” and that “I did not do it for him, but for myself entirely” (280). The encounters are passionate, unlike her time with the Commander. With him, “I close my eyes, even when I am only kissing him goodnight” (281). She tells the Commander that she believes she is pregnant although she knows that this “is wishful thinking” (283).

Ofglen suggests that Offred sneak into the Commander’s study and search his desk for information, but Offred is reluctant, thinking that “the Commander is no longer of immediate interest to me” (282). She tells Ofglen that she “can’t” and is “too afraid” and “scarcely take[s] the trouble to sound regretful” (283).

Ofglen says that they could get her out if she is in “immediate danger,” and Offred admits to herself, “I no longer want to leave, escape, cross the border to freedom.