In Brown’s view, most people have their priorities backward, as they think they need to live up to other people’s definition of what is socially acceptable before they can be happy as their authentic selves. Instead, they will only find happiness and be able to show up for others if they allow themselves to be who they really are. Rather than being an innate quality that we either possess or lack, authenticity is “a practice—a conscious choice of how we want to live” (65). We can choose to hide our true selves or allow our everyday actions to showcase them. Being authentic means embracing our imperfections and believing that we are worthy of love and belonging exactly as we are.

Brown shows in this chapter that it can be a struggle to be our true selves in a world of unmanageable expectations, both those of society at large and those of our immediate circle of family and friends, who might have gotten comfortable with our people-pleasing ways. We might also have some mistaken notions that it is self-indulgent to be authentic and may receive pushback from people who feel threatened by the changes we have made. Brown acknowledges that choosing authenticity is a risk.