Scene One opens the following morning at Pinchwife’s house, where Lucy has dressed Alithea. Lucy comments Alithea is as well-dressed as if she were going to her own funeral, which she imagines is at least as bad as going to Sparkish’s bed. Lucy doesn’t understand why Alithea turned Harcourt away, and Alithea confesses that it is because she loves him. But she is already engaged to Sparkish and hopes that she will eventually learn to love him instead. Lucy asserts, “No, madam, marrying to increase love is like gaming to become rich; alas, you only lose what little stock you had before” (117). Alithea accuses Lucy of having taken bribe money from Harcourt to convince her not to marry Sparkish. Lucy denies this, calling her obsession with her word and her honor “a disease in the head” (117). Alithea affirms that she will marry Sparkish because although Sparkish is not as witty as Harcourt, he is also not jealous as wittier men often are. Jealous men often take freedom away from their wives and move them to the country.

Sparkish and Harcourt enter, and Harcourt is dressed as a parson. Sparkish tells Alithea that, as an apology, Harcourt sent his “twin brother” to marry them.