“Which is to say, I felt my life to be more full of delight. Not without sorrow or fear or pain or loss. But more full of delight. I also learned this year that my delight grows—much like love and joy—when I share it.”

This quote from the Preface introduces the main lesson Gay learns through his year-long project. Throughout the book, he likens delight, love, and joy to things that can grow, reinforcing his use of gardens as symbols. This is the last line of the Preface and sets the stage for the collection of essays.

“It’s my forty-second birthday. And it would make perfect (if self-involved) sense to declare the day of my birth a delight, despite the many years I’ve almost puritanically paid no attention to it. A sad performance of a certain masculine nonchalance, nonflamboyance. Might’ve been, poor thing. Now it’s all I can do not to bedeck myself in every floral thing imaginable—today both earrings and socks. Oh! And my drawers, hibiscus patterned, with the coddling pocket in front to boot. And if there’s some chance to wear some bright and clanging colors, believe me. Some bit of healing for my old man, surely, who would warn us against wearing red, lest we succumb to some stereotype I barely even know. (A delight that we can heal our loved ones, even the dead ones.) Oh broken. Oh beautiful.”

This first paragraph of Gay’s first essay, “My Birthday, Kinda,” introduces many themes and motifs that recur in his essays. First, he briefly mentions the understanding of masculinity he learned as a child, and how he is rewriting that understanding in his adult life by wearing bright colors and patterns. He also mentions healing loved ones, even dead ones, touching on the theme of growth, change, and healing. Lastly, he mentions the flowers on his underwear, showing his love and understanding of the natural world.

“I’m trying to remember the last day I haven’t been reminded of the inconceivable violence black people have endured in this country. When talking to my friend Kia about struggling with paranoia, she said, ‘You’d have to be crazy not to be paranoid as a black person in this country.’ Crazy not to think they want to put a hole in your head.”

The last few lines of “Hole in the Head” introduces a main theme in Gay’s essays: his experience as a Black man living in the United States. This is one of many essays that focuses on the violence and hate toward Black individuals and highlights a specific story about systematic and intentional violence. As with most of the essays, he ends it with a personal reflection and confesses how paranoia is a normal and necessary part of his experience as a Black man.