Duhigg emphasizes the crucial role that depth and vulnerability play in fostering meaningful connections and effective communication. Duhigg argues that by asking deep, emotional questions and reciprocating vulnerability, individuals can create more authentic relationships and become better communicators in both personal and professional contexts.

One of the key ways Duhigg illustrates the importance of depth and vulnerability is through the work of the Arons, who developed the “Fast Friends Procedure.” This series of 36 increasingly personal questions is designed to create closeness between strangers by eliciting self-disclosure and vulnerability. Duhigg explains that the effectiveness of these questions lies in their ability to encourage individuals to share intimate details about their lives, such as their deepest fears, most treasured memories, and most significant relationships. By engaging in this type of deep, emotional sharing, people can quickly form strong bonds and develop a sense of trust and understanding, even with those they have just met.

Duhigg also highlights the significance of nonlinguistic expressions, such as laughter, in signaling a desire for depth and vulnerability in communication. He cites research showing that shared laughter, when matched in mood and energy, can create a sense of alignment and connection between individuals. As Duhigg writes, “Laughter might seem like a strange place to look for emotional intelligence, but, in fact, it’s an example of a basic truth of emotional communication” (112).