“Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby” is a short story by American author Donald Barthelme. Originally published in a 1973 issue of The New Yorker, it was later included in Barthelme’s 1976 anthology, Amateurs. The narrative follows the extended and absurd deliberation of a group of friends about how to hang their friend for committing an unnamed offense. With the friends embodying a range of logistical roles and viewpoints concerning the act, they form a microcosm of modern society. Barthelme uses this setting to satirically critique the concept of capital punishment and the Conformity and Groupthink that aid in its perpetuation.

This guide refers to the version published in the May 18, 1973 issue of The New Yorker and uses paragraph numbers for citations.

Content Warning: The source text and the guide discuss execution and depict a death by hanging.

The story begins as the unnamed narrator recalls an incident in which his friend Colby went “too far”; what he actually did is never defined. The narrator admits that, like most people, he has gone too far before, but he accepts the consensus of his friends (who are, notably, all male) that Colby must be punished. They decide that as Colby’s friends, they have a unique kind of ownership of him and, therefore, are responsible for finding the best way to punish him. They never analyze their assumptions about the logic of punishment in itself. They reach an agreement that it is best to execute Colby by hanging.

The friends decide to stage the hanging publicly and to advertise the affair. They each agree to apply their professional expertise to make the hanging go as smoothly as possible. At the same time, acknowledging that the occasion is questionable, they are unsure how to draw the biggest audience. They decide to obfuscate the nature of the hanging by sending out invitations that simply call it “An Event Involving Mr. Colby Williams” (Paragraph 2). As they deliberate the logistics of the hanging, they request input from everyone, including Colby himself. Ironically, even Colby seems intent on making his execution an enjoyable event, though he expresses occasional reluctance, if not resistance, to being killed.

Howard, the group’s conductor, is irritated when Colby requests the Fourth Symphony by Charles Ives in response to a query about his preference for live music. He argues the symphony would be costly and difficult to perform, suggesting that Colby is trying to delay the hanging. Hank tells him to be reasonable, and Colby agrees to select a less complex performance. Next, the friends discuss how best to pull off the event in light of its illegality. Though they know that capital punishment is mostly taboo and requires a public due process that they have not given Colby, they affirm their right to kill him on the basis that they are his friends. They plan to serve drinks at the hanging, and Colby reacts to this news with enthusiasm.

Next, the friends turn to how to perform the hanging. Torn between using a gibbet or a tree to suspend the rope, they decide on the tree, which is least costly and more aesthetically pleasing, since it is summer and the plants are fully flourishing. Colby asks if he could be killed by firing squad instead, but Howard curtly dismisses the idea, disparaging Colby for trying to make himself the center of attention. In the end, they determine that they will construct a rubber ball 10 feet in diameter for Colby to leap from, preventing any chance of changing his mind and refusing to jump. When Hank suggests using wire instead of rope since it will lead to a more efficient death, the rest of the group finds the idea “distasteful.” The narrator advocates for the rope, arguing that the wire might damage the tree.

At the end of the story, the event has taken place efficiently, but Colby’s death is not mentioned. The narrator characterizes the hanging as a “bang-up production” (Paragraph 8), taking pride in his friends’ mutual support and the diversity of their applied knowledge. He remarks that the event was a success, as nobody has ever gone “too far” again.