Lily talks of the traditional form of mother love, known as teng ai, which in the language of her people is “composed of two characters. The first means pain; the second means love. That is a mother’s love” (4). Because life in Lily’s society is so difficult for women, the way a mother raises her daughter must include training and preparation for the hardships ahead. Later in the novel, Lily expresses her belief that a mother’s love for her children is an emotion borne “out of duty, respect, and gratitude” (59). Embedded within this emotion, then, are the material concerns necessary for survival. A woman must be able to endure hardship, so that she will not be rejected by those who provide her with food and shelter.

Lily’s description of mother love, however, carries a sense of longing for a different, more organic form of love. With Snow Flower, she finds a love that does not inflict pain, but rather seeks to ease it, a love in which she is free to express desire and even have her desire satisfied.