Chapter 1 opens with an anecdote about Mary Pipher’s cousin Polly, who began her life as a vivacious tomboy but who, through social pressure, was transformed into a shadow of her former self. Preadolescent girls, she explains, are at an age where they have the independence of youth but are not yet burdened by it. As a result, girls at this age can fully be themselves without necessarily conforming to gender roles. As girls move into adolescence, expectations from their friends, parents, and society change. Self-esteem dwindles and depression and anxiety loom over them. The approval of men becomes paramount.

Pipher explains her choice of the name “Ophelia” for the title of her book. Ophelia, from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, is carefree and happy as a child, but when she reaches adolescence and falls in love with Hamlet her life becomes centered on him and his approval of her. In this way, she loses herself. Because of this disconnect from the self, adolescent girls both in the ’90s and today struggle to know and express themselves. Teenage girls, and the women they grow into, are more eager to please others than to reach their potential.