Ansari admits he’s never been a “relationship guy,” (209) and he didn’t have his first serious relationship until he was 23, but it ended when he began traveling for his career. In his twenties he enjoyed being single, but by age 30, as his friends began pairing up, he hated going to bars and being alone at events. Once he decided he wanted something serious, he began dating an old acquaintance and they moved in together.

Fear of Settling Down, Fear of Settling

For many people, when they say they’re scared of settling down with someone, what they really mean is that they’re afraid they’re settling when a better option could be just around the corner.

Passionate Love and Companionate Love

Love has two phases. In the beginning, passionate love “is where you and your partner are just going ape shit for each other” (214). After a while, companionate love takes over. Companionate love “is neurologically different from passionate love […] companionate love is associated with the regions having to do with long-term bonding and relationships” (215). During the transition from passionate love to companionate, some people feel like they’ve lost the excitement and break up, while others grow closer together as “life companion[s]” (218).