A litany is a list-like series of formulaic pleas, most often used for religious purposes; the word also connotes a boring and tedious recitation of something in list form. Collins merges this second meaning of the term and the classic poetic structure of the blazon, or a poem enumerating a beloved’s best qualities via a series of metaphors, and inverts it, joining the humorous tradition of the counterblazon.

The poem consists of an epigram followed by seven stanzas of varying lengths. It is written in Collins’s distinctive free verse, lacking meter or rhyme. However, Collins uses repetition to give the poem a sense of rhythm.

The poem juxtaposes the upper register of classic poetry form with the conversational syntax of contemporary speech: Colloquial phrases like “There is just no way” (Line 11) undercut the old-fashioned high tone.

“Litany” is a long string of metaphors, or comparisons that do not use the distancing words “like” or “as.” These often-tongue-in-cheek metaphors satirize the overreliance of love poets on clichéd