“People fled for a nearby farm. But before I could run, a man grabbed me by the shirt. He looked at me and I looked at him. ‘Mbabriria,’ I said. ‘Forgive me.’ I don’t know why I said it. I suppose at ten years old, I thought I must have done something terribly wrong to bring on such wrath. My parents had always taught me to be polite and to apologize when I did something wrong. The man pointed a gun to my head. I felt the metal barrel on my temple. I waited for the blast. In that moment, I thought it was all over.” 

Sandra recounts the massacre, when she was nearly shot and killed by a Congolese soldier. Her apology to him indicates an internalized guilt, which will resurface during her adulthood. The randomness with which the man grabs Sandra from among the crowd, and his subsequent distraction that keeps him from shooting her after all, characterizes her later recollection of Deborah’s murder. Sandra evokes the arbitrariness of mass murder, which leads to confusion about why she was allowed to survive while her sister did not.

“My mother had a very difficult time in those early years of marriage […] But she was also very strong willed, determined to rise above the people who made her feel small […] The women in our culture are known for working incredibly hard, juggling so many things—raising the children, working on the farm, harvesting, fetching and chopping firewood, and then cooking dinner for the men. Traditionally, the women prepare the meals and the husbands eat alone, or with their male friends, not with their wives. It makes me cringe, but that is the culture.” 

Sandra discusses her mother Rachel’s miscarriages and the social alienation she received as a result of them. Rachel, like other women in her culture, was narrowly defined by traditional gender conventions—namely the expectation to produce offspring. Sandra recognizes how women from her tribe were ostracized and dictated by men, but she also sees how well these women endure and reveal their extraordinary capability to manage multiple tasks, thereby subtly undermining men’s lack of faith in their abilities. 

“It was part of an unfortunate culture […] in which young men would kidnap a girl, rape her, and then marry her. The rape is committed so that the girl is too ashamed to go back home, or so that her family won’t ask for her back. Hundreds, if not thousands, of girls have been married this way. It is one of the reasons why I think my parents were so passionate about educating their girls, so that we could learn that no one can take away our worth.” 

Sandra describes the sexist customs of her culture as “unfortunate,” indicating her belief that men and women inherited conventions that they have difficulty shirking. Obey these conventions is often to the detriment of hundreds of girls experience sexual assault and ultimately blame themselves for this violence.