In the opening of Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close, authors Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman take readers into a pivotal moment in their friendship during a spa weekend getaway in Napa. Despite the seemingly perfect setting, they confess to feeling miserable due to the deep-seated issues between them. They describe the trip as an awkward attempt to reconnect, likening it to a strained family reunion or a couples retreat aimed at reviving a fading relationship, underscoring the high stakes they felt in preserving their friendship, which had become central to their identities (xiv).

Sow and Friedman had met five years before this trip and had quickly become inseparable, even starting a podcast together that showcased their bond to the public. However, beneath the surface of their “tight-knit besties” dynamic, there were unaddressed tensions. Their friendship had become dysfunctional. The trip to Napa revealed their reluctance to fully open up about personal struggles and changes in their lives. Sow and Friedman finally admitted to each other that their friendship required serious attention and work. Despite this admission, their journey towards reconciliation confronted the two women with many challenges.

Sow and Friedman explain that they refer to their friendship as a “Big Friendship” to acknowledge its significance and the emotional labor involved in sustaining it.