Gay’s favorite definition of feminism is a succinct, straightforward one offered by an Australian woman named Su—“just women who don’t want to be treated like shit” (304)—but Gay feels like she herself falls short as a feminist. Citing Judith Butler on the tension created by gender essentialism, she applies Butler’s thesis to feminism, noting that essential feminism dictates right and wrong ways to be feminist. For Gay, essential feminism suggests that “right” feminism is characterized by anger, humorlessness, militancy, unwavering principles, and a prescribed set of rules. Gay points out that this typically coincides with white, heterosexual feminist norms, disallowing the complexities of human experience and individuality.

Sometimes Gay cringes at being referred to as a “feminist,” primarily because the term is used as an insult or accusation. She provides examples of other women who have shied away from the term because they have bought into essential feminist stereotypes and myths. Gay cites Audre Lorde on Black feminism and the idea that her Blackness and womanhood are inseparable. However, white feminism, which could be synonymous with essential feminism, often minimizes or dismisses the unique issues of women of color, claiming that acknowledging these unique issues impedes sisterhood and solidarity.