Brown begins this chapter by examining the relationship between compassion, which she believes is daily practice, and empathy, which is a tool that allows for compassion. Compassion is defined as “the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering” (118). This doesn’t mean we have experienced someone’s struggle, but we can sit with them and understand their experience. This is different from pity, which Brown calls the “near enemy” of compassion. This means that it looks so similar to compassion that it might be deceiving. Pity includes believing the other is inferior, being self-centered in our reaction, or not sharing in their experience (120).

Empathy is “a tool of compassion” (120) which Brown defines as an “emotional skill set that allows us to experience what someone is experiencing” (120). Brown cites research that shows the role empathy plays in practical and ethical decision making, relationships, and societal connection. While people often define empathy as taking on the feelings of someone else, Brown believes that empathy isn’t having someone’s experience or feelings but learning “how to listen to the story you tell about what it’s like in your shoes and believe you even when it doesn’t match my experiences” (123).