In All Adults Here, characters struggle to live openly and honestly. The secrets characters keep from their family and friends imply that they are dissatisfied with their true selves; the book examines the importance of living authentically as it follows each character’s journey to acceptance.

Astrid is at a turning point in her life. For years, she was content with the socially acceptable, traditional life she led as a wife and mother, but that changed when she met and fell in love with a woman named Birdie. Her relationship with Birdie is pure and beautiful, but it is also at odds with the person Astrid long presented herself to be. Astrid has accepted her sexuality and is happy with Birdie, but she worries about telling her family, since they have known her to be a certain way all their lives. The Astrid that raised her children is not the same as the woman who loves Birdie.

Porter also keeps an important secret from her family: Her purposeful pregnancy as a single woman. Though she openly treads an unconventional path in other ways—like her career as a goat farmer—she fears that her family, particularly Astrid, will not support her choice. Additionally, she falls back into an affair with a married man in pursuit of the youthful freedom she once had, chasing a doomed love in an attempt to grasp external happiness. Elliot is less conscious of his secrets, but he too struggles with his true self because he has long done the right thing by society norms, even though it has not made him happy. He bought a building that could make or break Clapham’s culture, depending on what business he rents the building out to; his dilemma over what to do with it represents Elliot’s push-and-pull between reputation and self-worth.

When Astrid comes out to her family, she is fortunate to find they support her: all except Elliot, who most closely sticks to the sort of rigid gender roles by which Astrid lived. Astrid has never been happier, but she raised her children with a certain identity that is now being dissolved in favor of truth and joy; Elliot, who has not deviated from society the way his siblings have, struggles to come to terms with this rejection of his perceived ideals. Despite Elliot’s initial disapproval, Astrid stands by her relationship because it is indicative of her true self. She is done playing by societal norms and embraces the joys of being her authentic self.

Astrid’s freedom causes a ripple effect on her children because her radical happiness inspires them to pursue their own versions of happiness. Porter’s family does have a difficult time accepting her pregnancy, but only because they worry for her, as they all understand the difficulties of raising a child. She also ends her affair; she lets go of her attempts to redo the past and chooses to focus on her future as a mother. Ultimately, Porter is an independent woman who fights for what she wants in life, even if society doesn’t fully approve of her lifestyle. In embracing her true self, she lets go of the young woman she used to be and embraces the woman she is and will become.

Elliot also reckons with his internal conflicts. He comes to terms with his life only when he and Astrid finally communicate and face each other as their authentic selves. Elliot acknowledges the real source of his resentment toward his mother and admits that he struggles to make decisions for fear of what others think of him. Astrid apologizes for the hurt she caused and encourages him to live for himself and make choices based on what is best for him, not others.

The character that highlights this theme the most is Robin, who was assigned male at birth and named August. As a transgender girl, Robin has long struggled with her identity. At one point, she considered that she might be a gay boy, but ultimately comes to terms with the fact that she is a girl. Robin is aware that it’s a huge risk to reveal her true self to her family and community; this fear drives her to stay hidden. Summer camp is a safe space in which Robin can experiment with her identity and figure out who she is, but it’s difficult for her to transfer that knowledge into her life in Clapham. When Robin comes out publicly as transgender at the Harvest Festival, she is celebrated by her parents, her peers, and her town. Robin’s courage and fortitude prove that embracing your true, authentic self is crucial to a happy life.

All Adults Here is a domestic novel that focuses on the importance of family. The members of the Strick family receive equal narrative attention in the novel, highlighting the differing and evolving dynamics between individual family members and their role as members of a larger family.

Astrid is the matriarch of the Strick family, and she struggles with her past decisions as a mother. Astrid did the best she could in the moment, but she realizes that her parenting may have negatively influenced her children into adulthood. In particular, she worries about Elliot, who seems dissatisfied and frustrated with his life. She recalls being dismissive of Elliot’s burgeoning sexuality in high school and wishes she could have been more supportive of his journey. Astrid, somewhat blinded by her own newly open relationship with Birdie, fixates on this idea as she ruminates over the mistakes she made as a parent. When Elliot finally reveals that he’s resentful because of a conversation he overheard between her and his father, in which they doubted his ability to be a successful lawyer, Astrid can finally repair their relationship. She acknowledges that she can’t undo the mistakes she made as a parent, but she is determined to change and connect with her children as equal adults.

Porter also decides to be a mother in opposition to the way she was mothered. Though she and Astrid are close, she finds Astrid cold and lacking in affection. Porter resolves to be a mother who gives direct and verbal love, positive affirmation, and affection to her daughter. Astrid’s relationship with Birdie changes her because it gives her a second chance at love. Astrid extends that newfound love to her children and finally gives them to positive affirmation they always wanted. With Porter, this manifests in Astrid comforting her toward the end of the book, after Jeremy’s wife confronts Porter over her affair with Jeremy; it also shows in the Epilogue, in which Astrid helps care for Porter’s newborn baby.

A missing link in the Strick family is Nicky, who left when he was still a teenager and barely returns to visit. Nicky doesn’t resent Clapham, but he’s always differed from the rest of his family. Nicky forges his own path and forms his own family, but he too struggles with this responsibility. Early in the book, Astrid acknowledges that Nicky doesn’t trust her parenting; this implies that Nicky, like Porter, wants to raise Cecelia differently from how he was raised. However, parenting is not cut and dry. When Cecelia is bullied at school, Nicky sends her away to live with Astrid, believing that he is giving his daughter the opportunity to start over; to Cecelia, this feels like abandonment. Like Astrid, Nicky makes the best decisions he can in the moment. Nicky also reflects on his parenting the way Astrid does; however, he misses Cecelia and realizes, much sooner than Astrid did, that he needs to be there and openly support her. Their separation teaches him that his role as a father is to protect her without conditions and to stand by her no matter what.

When Nicky goes to Clapham, he and his siblings go out together. Nicky is the missing piece to make the Strick family revisit their resentments, recover their relationships, and come together again. At first, they are friendly but distanced. Porter in particular relishes this precious time with her brothers: She is protective of both of them and wishes they could be closer. The brothers reciprocate this love when they confront Jeremy at the Harvest Festival in a misguided but well-intentioned defense of their sister. Though they don’t always show it, the Strick siblings are tight-knit and fiercely protective of one another. They share the experience of being raised by the same parents, which adds a layer of unspoken but mutual understanding as they talk about the paths their adult lives have taken.

Straub subverts traditional elements of the domestic fiction genre to fit the culture of her contemporary world. Porter is unmarried, but that doesn’t stop her from pursuing familial love and becoming a parent on her own. Porter fills the hole in her life with her child, and her journey into motherhood allows her to deepen her connections with her mother and brothers. Another twist to the domestic fiction genre is Elliot’s struggle with his own family. He and Wendy have challenging twins, the stresses of which put a dent in their connection. Wendy has sacrificed her ambitions and dreams for Elliot’s version of what life should be, but he pushes her away with his traditional ideas of gender roles in the household. Rather than implying traditional domesticity is their happy ending, Straub forces Elliot to deal with his own internal conflicts in order to be a better husband and father.

Ultimately, the Strick family comes together in times of celebration and need. Their loyalty transcends their differences. Straub’s novel is about the power of family support in the development of the individual.